Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Love

Love have been around for centuries and it is virtually in everything we do. Love has the power to heal and it also has the power to destroy. Love can be a beautiful thing if it is done right. We have a natural propensity toward love and relationships. We have been conditioned for this since the beginning. It is a part of who we are. We are taught from a young age to love and trust. As adults we find ourselves in a whirlwind when it comes to love. I have had my share of marriages, breakups and other undefined relationships. The truth is love hurts, although it’s not meant to. I feel like my whole life has been a search for love perhaps, I am looking for wholeness or maybe even healing. Whatever the case it has caused a major disturbance in my life far too many times. Just when I think it’s safe to fall in love I am proved wrong time after time. One thing I have learned is that I play a part in my pain. Whether I ignored the signs or am the one who has caused the problem, I had a part. In my last case of love gone wrong, I ignored the signs. I ignored the things he was telling me, the warnings he was giving to me, why? I was selfish, and I wanted what I wanted. As a result, I was the one who got hurt and ruined a good friendship.

“I was out with my friends while on vacation. I was sitting at the table enjoying the music and all the people around me dancing. I saw a young man staring at me from across the room. We caught eyes a few times, but I didn’t think anything of it. We continued to catch eyes, at this point I was trying to figure out what was he looking at and why he didn’t just come and talk to me. Finally, he worked up the nerve to come over and introduce himself. The first thing he said was, “it’s not polite to stare”. I went on to tell him that he was the one staring at me. He asked me if I had a boyfriend, I replied yes. He looked at me and said, “you’re not happy”. At the time I wasn’t happy because the boyfriend that I thought I had was not my boyfriend and it was a complicated situation. We began to talk about some of the projects I was working on and he seemed very intrigued. At the time I wasn’t interested in him, but was enjoying the attention. We exchanged numbers because he thought that I could help him with some of his projects he was working on and I was more than happy to help. When I returned to my home state we began to communicate everything started one way and quickly changed. We both acknowledged we couldn’t allow our feelings to get in the way because it would never work out. There was a serious age gap and we lived in different states.

He recognized I was sad and did a lot of things to make me feel better. We had deep conversations. We were very creative during our phone time with games and movies. We had a lot of fun and just enjoyed each other’s company. I fell in love with the way he treated me and the attention that he gave me. I realized what I was missing. By this time I wasn’t in any kind of relationship situation, which of course made things worse. I would travel to visit him and we had lots of fun! As we became closer he continued to warn me not to fall for him because he was afraid he would hurt me. I listened but my heart didn’t. The more I tried not to fall for him, the more I did. I wasn’t by myself he was falling for me as well. We both knew we were on dangerous grounds but continued. As time went on things became worse because we began to develop deep feelings for each other. Again he warned me and I told him don’t worry about hurting me or my feelings I could handle it. After several months the time came for us to have that talk. He told me that he loved me, and respected me and never want to hurt me. He told me these things because he felt that if we continued, somewhere down the line something would happen and I would get hurt. He said I was special and that I deserve the best and he was afraid that he couldn’t give that to me and so we had to part ways.

This was so hard for me because I seen almost everything I wanted in him and now I came to the point where I had to give it up. This did not sit well with me, because I couldn’t understand why. I thought to myself we can work it out it was easy. He realized his weakness and I chose to ignore it. In doing so, this cost me. I bought a lot of pain and suffering upon myself because of my choices. Now I am in the middle of the storm and I have to deal with it. I really can’t blame anyone but myself. He told me, actually on several occasions. Where did I go wrong? I went wrong by ignoring his warnings and allowing my guard down and completely allowing my emotions to reside in him. At the time I thought I could handle it if something were to go wrong and now I see I wasn’t prepared. This is a terrible feeling and I don’t like it but there is nothing I can do about it but allow time to heal.

It seems as though I have a history of picking the wrong kind of guys to fall for. I am more than tired of giving my time and effort to men who don’t deserve it. Every man doesn’t know what to do with the good woman. Some of them are threatened by our independence and strength. As for me I have had enough. I am going to try and give God time to work in my life. It’s a must because I cannot continue to allow this cycle to repeat. Obviously I am missing something very important, perhaps a lesson. Of course I don’t want to be alone, but I would rather see what God has for me at this point. I know it won’t be long, I just have to be obedient and believe the rest will fall into place.

What’s going on in your relationship? Feel free to share your story.

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